Fickle NewMan Fights For Origin

Queensland’s NewMan Government has been busy in the weeks since stepping into office. Premier Newman has been steely in his resolve to ignore public pressure and follow through with his Mandate for Change, and to that end he has already made worryingly broad strides towards de-regulation of environmental practices, has cancelled the state’s most prestigious literary awards, and has even targeted the humbly iconic koala as another unnecessary expense and something we can ultimately do without.

But don’t dare try to take away his football.

In a current deal between the National Rugby League and the Victorian Government, Melbourne is contracted to host one State Of Origin series game every three years. The deal is due to expire this year but, with the increasing interest in rugby league in Victoria, the Victorian Government has put in a $12.5M bid to the NRL to host one game per series, as well as a $500,000 grant to support junior development programs.

Mr Newman, along with NSW Premier Barry O’Farrell, is outraged and will stop at nothing to prevent the iconic annual game from being shared with the neighbour-kids.

“State Of Origin belongs to the people of Queensland and New South Wales and we shouldn’t be held to ransom over what is our own game,” said Mr Newman in a statement today.

“NSW and Queensland are the heartland of rugby league; nowhere else should even be considered as a permanent home,” added Mr O’Farrell.

“Surely the NRL understands that this game is an institution in our states,” said Mr Newman. “It’s where league legends like Darren Lockyer, Allan Langer and Wally Lewis were made and the meeting place for generations of diehard supporters,” he continued, with a measurably liberal usage of the word “legends”.

And Mr Newman and Mr O’Farrell are urging fans to contact the NRL to let them know that their sports are too important to be sold off to the highest bidder.

“Just like the determination on the field each game, I’ll be doing everything I can to stop any other state getting the ball over the line,” said Mr Newman with entirely less irony than is appropriate.

This marks another small milestone in the NewMan Government’s short time in office, and demonstrates the surgical precision of their cost-cutting measures where koalas and indigenous writers are an unnecessary burden to taxpayers but he’ll do everything he can to stop a football game leaving the state. None of which should surprise anyone, really. Newman even looks a little bit like Darren Lockyer.

But there’s no ignoring the hypocrisy of a man who will endanger koalas and axe a literary award that has introduced the world to some of Australia’s most successful authors during the National Year of Reading, but regards former Brisbane Broncos captain and sometime sports reporter Wally Lewis as a living legend.

I’m beginning to get the feeling that our new Premier doesn’t read.