Food Standards AusNZ Think Dogs Are People Too

In a curious move, Food Standards Australia New Zealand (FSANZ) have announced they are calling for submissions on whether to allow pet dogs in outdoor dining areas for restaurants and eating establishments.

CEO of FSANZ, Steve McCutcheon said the current regulations don’t allow animals, with exception to guide dogs, in areas where food is handled or consumed. This is obviously for health and safety considerations, which few would argue are a necessity in a world where “Employees Must Wash Hands”-signs exist. However, Mr McCutcheon says that the health risk associated with dogs in dining areas is minimal.

“A FSANZ risk assessment has found that the risk of foodborne transmission of disease from pet dogs… is very low to negligible,” said Mr McCutcheon.

As it is, dogs are not permitted in dining areas according to the national standard but, as anyone who has travelled far enough away from the city will know, certain places flout these rules, allowing dogs to follow their owners more-or-less anywhere they go. Some towns even go further, passing rulings to allow pets in eateries.

“A number of jurisdictions have specifically regulated to allow pet dogs in outdoor dining areas, resulting in an inconsistent approach across Australia,” said Mr McCutcheon. This is the disparity that the proposal, P1018, is aiming to address via a consensus and standardised ruling.

This news has arrived with the minimum of noise, although some people are no doubt upset at the prospect of sharing their meals with some mangy dogs.

But fuck those people. People eat too much these days anyway. And the majority of people seem to like dogs so, like I said, fuck them.

I worked at a bar on Caxton Street, and it was a miserable scum-filled hovel of a place with neurotic, scheming, mercenary owners. One of the owners was a mean-spirited Chinese lady with a Napoleonic complex and a habit of screaming abuse in a shrill voice before storming off on stripper-heeled boots to the office to chain-smoke and dote on her dogs. The place was a poorly-run shit-hole with near-crooked management and goddamned karaoke seven nights a week. It was horrible. The highlight of the entire experience for me is the time one of the dogs, a little white mollycoddled-to-the-point-of-spastic Bichon, got loose of office and got to run around the restaurant chasing my heels and catching scraps of meat. It lasted only a few minutes but the dog was happy, the few customers thought it was hysterical, and I was silently wishing a particularly unforgiving health inspector would walk in right then and shut the soul-crushing rat-hole down. Then the mad Chinese lady caught up with her puppy, yelled something shrill at me and stormed off, her heels clack-clack-clacking on the wooden floor as the fluffy little Bichon looked sadly over her shoulder at the restaurant where it enjoyed the happiest four minutes a dog ever had.

But I digress. The point was that a little dog in the restaurant was barely disruptive so unless the dog is rabid and loose, there is a minimum of damage it can do to an outdoor dining area. I approve of the idea, with a few obious caveats.

 

If you would like to read more about the proposal, you can find the details here, and you should give some consideration to finding a hobby. Something outdoors-y.

Karl Anderson