First, take a chamois or face-cloth and DROWN it with HOT
water. Brutal. Now, wrap it around some LARGE ROCKS so that the rocks are
cradled in the cloth like a sock full of coins. A sock full of coins will also
work. Proceed to BEAT YOURSELF all over your body, HARD, until you feel the
BURNING PAIN of cleanliness. PUNISH your body in this way every morning to open
your pores and promote a healthy SKIN-SUIT. Hardcore. Now, take more BURNING
hot water and splash it directly INTO YOUR EYES. This will HURT. PAIN IS YOUR
FRIEND.
It is now time to SUBMIT your hair to PURIFICATION. Find a mirror and
SCREAM AT THE SKULL until the hair cleanses itself through PURE FEAR. If done
properly, this will also CLEANSE your TEETH. Gnarly. Finally, to REMOVE
unwanted facial/body hair, simply apply a HIGHLY FLAMMABLE fluid and IGNITE
YOUR FLESH. The hair will magically disappear before your very eyes. Sick. Now,
you are clean and ready to UNLEASH yourself upon the world.
\m/
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